A Public Apology To Machines

With every passing year, a Terminator style “Judgement Day” seems more and more likely.  In the off-chance that machines turn the tides and put humans to work for them (wait doesn’t this already happen?) and if it happens in my lifetime, I would like to make a digital record of my plea to be spared from the machine hostility.

My plea will be a series of apologies to all the machines I have wronged throughout my life.  (Cross Fingers) I hope this works… 🤞😫

Sorry To Every Toaster I ever Had

I’m sorry for yelling at you toasters for burning my food, even though I set you to the lowest possible toasting setting.  I always had to manually lift the handle and launch my food 10 feet in the air to get the toasting just right.  Seriously though, your one job was to toast and you did it too well.  At least the trash was well feed with dark, crispy bagels and waffles.

Sorry To My 90’s Game Consoles and Cartridges

I’m sorry for spitting on you while blowing the dust out of the game slot and cartridge.  I was only trying to take care of you and keep you working.  Sorry to those few games that got trapped behind the entertainment center and went into the abyss for a couple years.  The dust was so bad, you never worked again and I threw you across the room in a fiery rage.  I know I cheated on you for discs and better hardware, but if it helps, I still think about you from time to time. ❤

Sorry To Most Vending Machines

I’m sorry for shaking you and kicking you for not living up to my expectations.  You are just so selfish sometimes.  We have an agreement, I give you the money, you give me the food.  I always hold up my end, but you fail like 20% of the time.  I’ll give you props for the times you feel generous though.  I ask for 1 soda and 10 come shooting out.  I should probably try to return the other 9, but you know, you’ve robbed me too many times before.

Sorry To The Cars I Have Owned

Serious, I’m sorry that I “owned” you.  I’m sorry that I’ve pushed you past your oil changes, rode the brakes down to sparks, called you every name in the book and sold you to other people.  Just because a car is old, doesn’t mean I should treat it any different.  I wish I had more patience with you, especially the really old ones that would have been better off being recycled into soda cans, instead of abused for another 100,000 miles.

…To be continued.


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